A Public Dishwashing Statement

Many of my roommates have been insisting that we purchase a dishwashing machine right beside our sink in our tiny Oakland kitchen and I felt it necessary to share my views on this topic.

In case you are questioning my credentials on this matter, I should mention that I am someone who washed dishes professionally  for a good five years, during the most formative chapter of my life, and I feel very comfortable speaking about this issue. That being said, below are the 10 reasons I feel the dishwasher is not the right fit for our kitchen and far from ideal when it comes to our well being.

1) If you are washing anything that is remotely sticky, or oily, or quick to solidify, you gotta scrub down those plates and bowls before you even put them in the dishwasher. And I mean scrub to nearly the point of actually completing the process and then, instead of turning 3 inches to put them on their effective drying rack, you bend your ass over to do some upside down Tetris to get everything in there before the wash begins.

2) Many pots and pans, rice makers and air fryers, are too big and cumbersome to fit in that machine anyhow so you will be washing them just as you would with no dishwasher. 

3) Likewise, the delicate mugs and such, are too vulnerable to survive a rough cycle so those too with need to be washed by hand. Same goes for straws and bottles and plastics that will melt away . In fact, tragically, maybe on those special nights, you might no longer be willing to pull out the birthday present wine glasses due to the hassle of it all.

4) The machine takes forever and the crazy sounds it creates can interrupt your evening movie viewing pleasure and possibly kill any romance in the air that night.

5) Wouldn't you know, when you open the machine, after the "job is done" the dishes are never 100% dry so you either got to physically dry them with a rag or wait for the power of God to dry them and that might take days.

6) One word: Mold.

7) I admit, no matter what, they will eventually be dry, but that's when the real fun begins. Get ready to bend over continually to move the dishes back to the cabinets and the silverware to the drawers. Head rushes and possible dizziness all for the wonderful benefits of a dishwashing machine.

8) I know what you are thinking. Suppose you just have the dishes live in the dishwasher? Well, that is when everything begins to look like old Tupperware and there is no certainty on what is clean and what is not.

9) Think of your ancestors. Millennia ago, pondering similiar things as us when we stand there and scrub. Or the crucial conversations our parents had when dad was washing and mom was drying after the Thanksgiving feast.

10) We owe it to all of them to avoid a dishwashing machine at all costs.