WELCOME TO YOUR AIR B & ME

Thanks for booking with us! I have included some details and logistical information for your stay below.

Please upload your vaccination card, your ID, and a brief description of yourself.

Check in begins at 3pm. But you can drop off your luggae early if you'd like.

I definitely recommend the app so that we can remain very connected throughout your stay and you can let me know if there is anything you need.

You can text me at any time.

Are you bringing a guest?

We don’t have a driveway, but you can park by the curb, as long as you don’t block someone’s driveway, not that I expect that of you, it’s just they have reminded me continuously about it with what was once many guests.

When you arrive you will find a whale shaped lockbox and the code for that is 0703.

The black key opens the blue gate from the inside and you turn the orange knob three times. Don’t forget to turn it again, one time, when you leave. It’s important to turn the knob slowly much like turning a dagger into a heart. Just kidding!

Directly to your right upon entry you will see a door as white as my wedding dress and a photo of me and another person who’s name does not need to be mentioned.

Just one tiny request, please be sure to close the doors securely to avoid battery drain on the locks.  Wait for a click. Even if it is a soft click. A modest click. Like when 2 people “click.” The “click” is what is important. The “click” must never be lost.Upon entry into the common living space, you will find your suite with the image of a Bengal Tiger on the rug. We got it on our honeymoon and it has been there ever since.

We danced on it, we tripped over legos on it, we made love on it, and I have cleaned it thoroughly.

To your right is your room with a newly renovated private bathroom inside. Picked the tile myself and it was expensive as hell and I am okay with that. I didn’t want any of his money in my bank account. It made visits to the ATM very emotional.On your first day, you will receive 2 small bottles of water, 2 tea bags and 2 servings of coffee along with 2 Equals, 2 stir sticks and 2 servings of cream. I know it’s all about 2s when it comes to coffee time. It’s about sharing the enduring custom with another. So if you need to share that experience with someone, in whatever way you so desire, I am available. I’m close by. Just hit me up on the app.

More water is available upon request ($1/each).

Please be aware this is an old home with very thin walls.

No loud music

No parties

No sadness

I can’t bear it.

If you hear any weeping or anything like that from my side of the house I assure that it is the television. What can I say? I am a telenovela super fan.

Fresh bedding and towels are provided. Cleaned them myself with this new organic hemp bounce. Looks fancy and smells great.

If you need to use the washing machine that is $5 a load. 

Actually scratch that. I don’t mind doing a load for us both. I don’t mind taking care of someone else. Apparently I was doing that a bit too much.

Just message me on the app. And If you need fresh towels just message me on the app. Don’t hesitate. You can hit me up on the app at any time.  If it’s late at night I will most likely be awake and you will probably find me under the lunar light.

Alone.

As with the parking, I would suggest limited contact with our neighbors as they have proposed limited contact with me. They seem to be not big fans of the Air B & ME experience and they do not want me to be happy.

Even when I return from the hospital alone. They want me to simply succumb to sadness and I have no idea why. They want me to lose all ties and connections.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about WiFi.

wifi network: SUMMEROF2020

password: IDontKnowWhoIamAnymore!@

I encourage you to enjoy the web. No Dark Web. Online dating is okay. That is what I have come to believe. Maybe you can show me a few tricks on how to make it work.

And yes I recycle and I compost, and if you are willing to help me with the environmentally conscious pursuits, the bins are located just outside the front gate below my window sill. The recycling is blue, the trash is black, the compost is green, and my curtains are moon white satin. 

If by chance it rains or feels like the chaotic storm that life has become is brewing, we have umbrellas to use! Little fun ones that fit into a backpack, big fancy ones like you are in a musical, and even the high tech ones that turns outside in. 

I got one of those for our 10th anniversary. He then took it with him and left me with nothing on a dreadful Wednesday morning pouring with cold, cold rain.

I like to advise guests to leave the sliding door open when you can, it airs out the room, keeps it from getting stuffy, and it helps your soul to breathe at this juncture, in and out, release.

We do ask that you do not cook odorous foods such as garlic, onions, and especially not salmon. Overly pungent scents will travel throughout the house and remind me of our fishing trips up in Quebec when we were happy. It is amazing how an aroma can do that. 

In the top drawer of the dresser you will find the manual to your smart TV and a diary of mine I recently located. I think I left it in there by accident. It lays out all I have endured and now hope to become. Please don’t read it by simply opening the top drawer.

Check out time is at 11am. Or 1pm. Or you can choose stay longer. That is okay.

I ask that you leave the room as you found it, but also provide it with blessing of empathy as you exit and lock the door.

A prayer that can help one overcome heartbreak, bring change, and make peace.

Also, leave the sheets and towels on the floor and maybe, for a moment, consider spending eternity here with compassion as your only expense.

Thank you and Enjoy your stay!